The boy has a new love. Postman Pat has all but been resigned to the reject bin. About 100 quids worth of crappy merchandise lies broken and forgotten.
You may wrongly assume me to be jumping for joy. I am not.
You see his new love is Topsy and Tim.
I will leave aside the topical issue of gender stereotyping that the programme has stimulated much debate for (for i am nothing if not shallow) and talk about the thing that really riles me.
All the god damn enthusiasm.
It’s not the kids, we all know that kids are irritatingly enthusiastic at the best of times. It’s the parents. It’s the fact that every bouncy twin request is met with an ‘Oooooh weeee yes of course!’ from mummy and/or daddy.
I sit staring at the TV willing one of them to shout ‘JUST BLOODY SHUT UP FOR FIVE MINUTES AND LET ME READ THE PAPER IN PEACE.’
I have tried to contact you via the Royal Mail but they are under the illusion that Greendale is a fictional place – what’s up with that?! You may find this letter a tad harsh but I feel I need to write to address you directly as your friends, family and colleagues seem unwilling or unable to give you any constructive feedback.
Lets cut to the chase. You are crap at your job and I have absolutely no idea how you managed to blag your promotion to Head of Special Delivery Services. You consistently lose, damage and/or open parcels you have been entrusted to deliver which is both stupid and illegal. Before you protest I have listed a few examples of your incompetence that have particularly riled me.
That’s what they say isn’t it? Once you have kids you don’t have proper holidays anymore.
Instead you take a whole day packing, leave on the verge of a mental breakdown and spend the entire time furiously churning out activities to keep them from kicking off.
Different location – same old shit.
When you have kids you plan your destination, your travel, what you do, where you eat, everything – around them.
Gone are the days of sipping rum cocktails at a swim up bar in the Jamaica, taking motorbike rides through the night markets in Phnom Pneh or driving ‘top down’ along the sunny coast of California in a Mustang. But hey, I’m not bitter.
So with the above in mind (along with a considerable drop in disposable income) we finally popped our Center Parcs cherry with a visit to Longleat – and do you know what we had a pretty lovely time!
I searched high and low for instructions to make a Postman Pat’s van cake for my son’s 3rd birthday and surprisingly really, really struggled. Ok maybe it doesn’t take a genius to work it out but for a (very) amateur baker like me i need instructions in very basic form.
I wasn’t planning to do a blog post on this BUT the results (sans instructions) was a bit better than i though. To be fair i was very bloody pleased with it, looks pretty good in a rough round the edges homemade type way huh? His nibs was happy anyway.