All around us we are being bombarded with images of ridiculously wholesome families enjoying the festivities that December brings – Christmas shopping together happily, cosying up in front of the fire, making gingerbread houses and enjoying winter walks in matching bobble hat and glove sets.
But what the media fails to recognise is that there are also a significant amount of parents that are LOSING THE WILL TO LIVE.
I love Christmas I really do but if i’m honest – seasonal admin sometimes makes me want to hurt people. So here are a few unedited scenes from the frontline of yuletide parenting.
Here is ADVENT UNCUT…
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P.S. My new book The Catastrophic Friendship Fails of Lottie Brooks is out on the 3rd March 2022! It's aimed at 9-12 year olds and you can buy it here :)
This is brilliant, I am only 14 but you have done a brilliant job of describing stuff…my mother loves it as well! Keep writing, as we all enjoy reading the articles you post! My particular favourite is the pictures…the wonders of ms paint!
Why do you feel that the bad language is ok !!
Especially as I have just noticed the article in the Tesco Family Magazine.
No one is asking you to read it. It’s funny, and light relief for many of us who live busy stressful lives. Reminds you that you aren’t alone in facing the joys……
This is pure gold!!! Thanks for making me laugh until I cried whilst my girls ask for the 20th time if they can eat all the chocolates today. We are in NZ so very warm here for Xmas so no mulled things for me, but plenty of gin and wine to get me through. Thanks for all the laughs. I’ve just finished your book and enjoyed every second, I’m so pleased there’s more people out there like me. ❤️
My kids got no advent calender this year. Found out Pak N Save dont have them on december 1st and this whole thing reminded me of last years debacle of one little girl not only polishing off her advent calender but her little sisters one too
Laughter so much I hurt my sides. Thank you! From the house where every chocolate in the advent calendar has been nibbled…. I want mulled things.
I thought my three year old was the only one obsessed by watching the lady open surprise eggs on you tube. I’m so glad she’s not alone! Pass me more gin ❤️
LOL me too!!
Ha! Laughed a lot at “the lady opening the eggs on YouTube ” thought it was only my little idiots who watched that!
I am so over Christmas this year ( do you like my teen speak?) tired of thinking of crap they don’t need, buying the fucking tree and decorating just one side from half way down, making mince pies for santa, threatening he doesn’t come to naughty/ grumpy/ rude/ ever so slightly annoying kids which just doesn’t seem to work in my house.
Rant over, fab post as ever xxx
What is it with the sodding surprise eggs on YouTube?! Love this – feeling much better about the festivities already. Oh, and I’m a little smug that I didn’t buy a chocolate advent calendar. Blowing out our advent candle is much more fun!
Brilliant as ever. Today has been one FML after another.
forgot small person 1 and 2’s instruments for the Christmas concert rehearsal, forgot the that small person number three needed tinsels “sewn” (stapled) to a specific style/coloured t shirt for nativity, forgot that I had to be at school for a special ” come look at the crap they’ve made” event an hour earlier than usual, forgot that I had half wrapped 3’s December birthday presents when I remembered school special event and therefore had to run upstairs to hide them again when I finally got home and was informed that he’d changed his mind about said present and now wants a “shiny red bike” instead.
Thanks for the giggles pass the gin x
Love this! Your ‘Advent Uncut’ sums up my Christmas so far……my inner narrative says ‘FML’ at least every half an hour….I’m drinking Gin as I write this.
Genius as ever Miss Katie – hit the nail on the head with every one *buys all the packs of Nurofen Plus in Tesco*
My kids asked for an elf to visit us. I’ve no time for that!
Lots of mulled things, would it be considered rude to drink lots of mulled things straight out of the pan……with a straw. Asking for a friend
It’s actually considered rude not to. ;)
Splitting my sides with laughter. It just describes my life so well!! Surprise eggs, people making things out of playdoh, Elsa and Spiderman living together – You Tube has a lot to answer for!!
I really thought we were the only ones with a stupid videos on You Tube addicted child. Thank fuck, it’s a Thing. My son actually asks to watch ‘silly things’ because that’s what I called them.
This is so accurate, I love it. My daughter is obsessed with those videos on Youtube!
We forgot to buy our child an advent calendar, but bought one each for us. Means we each have to donate the chocolate alternate days to the little one. FML. 5.00am us early enough without having to donate chocolate too.
Yes to everything! Seriously regretting the overpriced tree and the beautiful heirloom wedding ornaments. Slightly less seriously regretting the kids. ;)
My son has presumed that because he has an advent calendar choc every morning, sweets for breakfast should also be a thing…
People posting pictures of the psycho elf in various “hilarious” places. Every. F’ing. Day. Do one.
Yes, getting a bit sick of seeing smug people on FB showing us what a wonderful life they have with their wonderful partner and their wonderful children and their wonderful elf. Please fuck right off. The rest of us are also having a nice family life but don’t feel the need to show it down everyone’s throat every day.
My mother who made us have the same Xmas calendar unpacked from the attic for 10 years bought my 5 and 2 year old a chocolate advent calendars with their names on them. Immediate meltdown from 5 year old as the 2 year olds looked slightly bigger than hers. Second meltdown from 2 year old that she could only have one chocolate. 5 year old then melted down in case 2 year olds meltdown meant she got more chocolate….. both have now been given away!
The chocolate calendars or the children?
OMG! I’m having the worst time right now but this comment is going to put a smile on my face for like a week! Thanks, Cheryl!
The kids or the advents?!
So so true. My little darling had a tantrum this morning because the au pair ate his advent chocolate (they all have the same advent calendar). He then asked me why we didn’t have an elf hiding around the house every night. Stop doing this stupid elf thing people!!!! Someone else posted a photo of the 1st of Dec which included about 5 different advent calendars, that god damn elf, AND a present for each of their kids!! Seriously – when did presents because it’s 1st of December become a thing???
It didn’t! They’re wankers with too much time on their hands!!!
When the fuck did the freakin’ elf get imported. As if we didn’t have enough on our plate with bloody American Trick or Treating and Black Friday ……. Count your lucky stars they’re only watching people opening eggs – once they’re at secondary school the porn on youtube floodgates start to open….. little one no.2 is def growing up waaaaaay before his time.
Haven’t laughed so hard in days! So true though
4:53 this morning. 4:58 yesterday. I’ve got to find a way to put an end to this fucking advent calendar bullshit.
My house exactly. I made the mistake of buying a toy advent calendar……what a twat!!!!!!!!
We don’t have chocolate but put sweets into our ‘every year’ calendar which is the after dinner calendar. We went for Lego calendars this year (on offer) as they worked out cheaper and less stressful than buying 2 of everything last year when I ‘made my own’. Crap is costly when it’s 24 x 2.
Pass the Baileys (sorry, not a gin person – but definitely an Hurrah for Gin person)
Are you sure you aren’t the actual voice in my head? Everything you write could literally have come out of my own mouth! I love brutal honesty!!
LOVE IT…I cannot even find the bloody advent calendars…I refuse chocolate ones…we have one we get out every year but never is found until Dec 20 or later as I have put it away somewhere in a ‘For heavens sake I am OVER Christmas’ packing up frenzy :)
Have NEVER bought a chocolate advent calendar and never will. The one time someone bought them for my kids, I refused to put them up, got them to eat all the crappy cheap chocolate in one day, then chucked them in the bin. The only good advent calendar is a proper Christmassy picture with tons of white glitter and pictures of Santa or a donkey behind the door. Everyone has gone so mad for chocolate calendars now that I couldn’t even find a real advent calendar in the shops last year, I had to order one online from FRIGGIN GERMANY!
That fucking elf had better not try to put even one of his stupid pointy-shoed feet over my threshold, or he’ll get drop-kicked back to America where he belongs
I work in a store that sells those elves, had a parent melt down yesterday because we’ve sold out. Apparently I’ve single handedly ruined his entire family’s Christmas. Wow, I didn’t even try, go me!
I haven’t laughed til I cried for a long time but happy tears rolled down my face reading this!! The Disney eggs, calendars, elf, I can relate to it all!! Where has Thi blog been all my life
Haha brilliant. The boys have been having their advent chocs instead of pudding after dinner. Talk about a win! Might make a 365 calendar myself. Toasting you with mulled things (and a little extra gin). Merry Xmas x
Hilarious and wonderful and SO, SO TRUE. Huge congrats on the book Katie, I’m super excited for you. Surely you get to drink way more gin this Christmas to ‘toast’ your success? xx
Adore adore adore Christmas but yes. It’s like you videotaped our family and drew it out in tiny stick figures:):):) Merry Christmas!
Thanks so much for this. I really feel we could be friends.
Hilarious as usual – where is your book stocked in brighton? That would make a brilliant present for a few friends and colleagues (I haven’t started the dreaded Xmas shopping…)
The comics, the comments, the truth and accuracy of it all. No mulled things, too hot in Aus, but I’ll raise a glass of Gin (or what ever alcoholic beverage I can find in the fridge) to you.
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We have ‘Elfa on the Shelf’ in our house. The kids wake up to find me eating advent chocolate and sitting on top of the xmas tree. It’s a hoot. ;) xx