Do you remember in the before time, the kinds of things you used to do when you went into town? Calmly walking though the shops, picking up a book to flick through, spritzing on a bit of perfume, holding a dress up to the mirror, smelling a nice looking candle just cos. I think it was called browsing?
The ability to browse dies once you have kids and is replaced by panic buying.
Even if I do get the time and opportunity to go shopping on my own I feel so under pressure to enjoy that time that I actually panic about not enjoying it enough and therefore panic buy anyway. Humph.
I still prefer it to dragging my two along with me though. I will attempt to explain why I do not like taking them shopping via the medium of Microsoft Paint…
I like Lego but sometimes I wish it would just die.
We are not going into the Lego Shop. No one wants to go in there “Just to look” it’s bollocks. He is trying to trick me. It won’t work.
*5 minutes later*
The Ewok village is £200 sodding quid!
“No!” I tell him.
“Why not?” he reasons.
“Because it’s not your birthday for months, it’s way too expensive anyway and also err… I’m unimpressed with it’s crass commercialisation. We’ll be eating Star Wars breakfast cereal next!”
“We already are Mummy.”
“Exactly! Anyway… Instead of the Ewok Village I know somewhere we can go where you can have WHATEVER YOU LIKE IN THE WHOLE OF THE SHOP!”
Stuff I have learnt about taking kids to the shops: –
1, Kids are stupid
2, So are people who take them shopping *ahem*
3, Star Wars cereal is just very expensive normal cereal with Darth Vader on the box
4, I also really, really want the Ewok Village
5, I heart the Internet. It allows me run virtual errands whilst simultaneity drinking wine and watching Made In Chelsea. It is my hero.
**************P.S. My new book The Catastrophic Friendship Fails of Lottie Brooks is out on the 3rd March 2022! It's aimed at 9-12 year olds and you can buy it here :)
H’s 33rd birthday present was the Ewok Village (and nothing else!!). It is awesome, listen to the boys on that one! For the rest, yes, yay for internet shopping!!
T actually loves shopping. If she sees me eyeing a dress, she’ll say you’ll look lovely on that mum! Then again, she’ll say ‘Can we buy some clothes for me too? And shoes, and bags …. Yes, it turns into a nightmare too. Just a different kind
It’s all true, my kids will be like Amish kids who dont know what H&M is or that disney has a shop cos i never take them shopping – everything comes via ebay. The one time i took E shopping she threw a lot of carefully folded scarves on the floor and wobbled the maniquins while the shop person stared at me with poorly disguised hatred. I bought a scarf.
Currently drinking wine while ‘running errands/Christmas shopping’ on the internet. Have had enough panic buying as described above to last me a few years recently. Spot on x x
You are braver and a better parent than I.
I’ll never know how you managed that at all.
Who can resist a Ewok village?
Oh God, what is it with the big plastic ladies?! My youngest is always befriending them. I once had to walk Sam back to the Lego shop as well with a haul of mini figures he’d slipped in his pocket. Grr!! Love internet shopping – always with wine! xx
Hahahaha! Your posts crack us right up! PS – MIC and ebay are our idea of a perfect night!
Oh Katie, this is perfect. I have become a hermit since my two youngest became toddlers. This is why. My husband and I decided to go to the Trafford Centre the other weekend, I don’t know what we were thinking, it literally resulted in me in tears at the end of the day haha.
Genius! It sent me right back to toddlerhood and the horrific nightmares of ‘browsing’ in M&S – why always choose there to crawl along the floor, play hide and seek between the dresses and pull mannequins off stands?! Nowadays browsing doesn’t exist either….teenage girls want to actually BUY everything!
I cam see it from the child’s point of view though. Does no one else here have guilty memories of trailing behind mum in a clothes shop, dragging their feet, complaining “I want to go hooooooome”? (or similar)
It was ok though. I cheered myself up by playing hide and seek. :D
Shopping with kids sucks big time.
I always come back with shit.
A handbag filled with squashed pasties
Throwing a dicky fit
Never again I tell them
You’ll all be dressed in rags
Now where the fecks my vodka
And wheres my bleeding fags
Don’t hate me but my boys so far love shopping, their Dad not so much!
And that is why I’m so thankful for my boring job. I can run 99% of my errands during my lunch break. Without kids, but still no time to just browse and try on a new top. I’ll take what I can get.
You’re stuff is great! My kids are 4 yrs and 11 mos and for awhile I thought no one else could possibly have such miserable days day in and day out like I was having. Now I just roll with the punches knowing I’m not the only one who prays for 8pm and my glass of wine.
8pm? I’ve poured mine by the time OH’S car engine is off!
You just nail it. Every. Single. Time. I swear your blog has stopped me from tipping over the edge!
My son has picked up the giant wine glasses and said “LOOK MOMMY NOW YOU CAN DRINK MORE WINE” in Jo-Anns.
I was mortified but he had a point. He also knows that the wine isle is a sacred place and he cannot touch ANYTHING. He looks at the bottle and suggest wine by the picture. “MOMMY TRY THE KANGAROO WINE, THE WOOSTER WINE, WHAT ABOUT THE SHOE WINE. At that point I’m ready to get multiple bottles and risk looking like an alcoholic so I don’t have to get more for a few weeks.