Are you finding it difficult to control a wilful child? Are you fed up with buying parenting book after parenting book and still feeling like an utter twat? Would you like to bitch slap super nanny into the middle of next week?
Then why not try…
Parenting With Biscuits promises you happy, compliant and flexible children with a simple ‘Just Add Biscuits’ (#JAB) approach.
- Won’t let you brush their hair #JAB
- Feeling too sick to go to school #JAB
- Refusing to get in the buggy/car #JAB
- Doing a wee wee dance but saying they don’t need the toilet? #JAB
- Repeatedly singing ‘Let it Go’ in an irritating American accent? #JAB
Still a little confused? Don’t worry, the world is made up of people with varying intelligence levels. We answer your stupid FAQs here:
Q: My kids whine all the time and it does my head in. What should I do?
A: Stick biscuits in their gobs.
Q: My daughter won’t eat her vegetables?
A: Yes, because they are not biscuits. Try biscuits!
Q: My son says he doesn’t like school any more…
A: I bet he likes biscuits though! Think about it…
Q: Your method works great until the inevitable sugar crash…
A: This only happens if you stop giving biscuits.
Q: What is the best method for dealing with tantrums?
A: Stand well back and repeatedly hurl chocolate HobNobs until everything goes silent.
Q: Have you ever considered that bribing children into submission is just a temporary fix? I like my kids to behave because they know it’s the right thing to do!
A: F*ck off you smug bastard.
Q: What if… ?
Q: Should I… ?
A: Yes. Biscuits.
A: What part of this are you not getting you daft bint?! JUST ADD BISCUITS.
‘I was really struggling getting my son to put his shoes on in the morning, nothing I tried worked. Then a friend suggested I read ‘Parenting With Biscuits’ and it’s like he’s a different person! These days we are out the door before I’ve even had chance to say ‘Custard Crème!’
‘Revolutionary – best book I’ve ever bought!’
‘Such an inspiring read. I feel the author has really broken the boundaries of parenting literature with this practical and easy to action guide.’
‘I can’t even begin to explain what a difference a packet of Bourbons has made to our family. Thank you so much!’
‘So simple you’ll wonder why you even needed to buy a book on the subject (but obviously you should still buy the book.)’
‘Just. Bloody. Amazing.’
Parenting with biscuits is available from all crappy bookshops now!
Also by the same author:-
**************P.S. I have a new shop and it is OPEN NOW! You can check it out here :)