When my oldest son dropped all daytime sleeps before his second birthday I assumed that such a gross injustice could only be explained as a blip in the great scheme of fair nap distribution. This time around I realise there is no such scheme.
Over the last week we have had a 2/7 success rate with the toddlers naps which can only mean one thing – they are on their way out *sobs into gin*
I just don’t get it! If only I could ask him what the hell is going on in his head…
Me: So um, I was wondering… why don’t you want to nap any more?
Toddler: Things to do, people to see. You know how it is when you’re 21 months old. The world is so fresh and EXCITING!
Me: Most other kids your age nap you know…
Toddler: Most other kids my age are pansies.
Me: Napping is not a sign of weakness, a nice post lunch snooze is very normal.
Toddler: F*ck normal.
Me: The baby books suggest most kids…
Toddler: F*ck the baby books.
Me… continue napping until around 3!
Toddler: What don’t you get here? NAPS ARE FOR CHUMPS!
Me: You’d feel a lot better if you napped you know…
Toddler: You’d feel a lot better if you stopped being so bloody anal about napping!
Me: I wish I could have a nap.
Toddler: Here we go again… ‘Woe is me, boo hoo hoo, FML’. If you don’t stop banging on I’ll change my wake up time to 4am.
Me: Ok ok lets not do anything drastic! It’s just I really think, that at your age…
Toddler: Oh cut the crap. We both know who you are thinking about here. Who benefits most from my naps huh? HUH??
Me: I don’t know what you mean?
Toddler: I see you nervously clutching Stylist Magazine and eyeing the Sky box. You look like you need a wee too… waiting until I go to sleep so you can do it on your own per chance?
Me: That’s just ridiculous. You make it sound like going to the loo on my own would be a luxury!
Toddler: Would it?
Me: Well yes but…
Toddler: Come on, what’ve you got loaded up on that thing? Last night’s Geordie Shore, The Apprentice? Hoping to drink a nice cup of coffee without having to microwave it three times are we?
Me: I’m only ever thinking about you!
Toddler: Right I’m not napping OK so don’t bother. If you put me in my cot I’ll just go f*cking mental and throw myself over the side. And you don’t want to be having to explain yourself down A&E again do you?
Toddler: Good. So let’s make this EVEN clearer for you. I nap at nursery, I eat at nursery. I don’t nap at home and I don’t eat at home! Got it?
Me: Well sort of but, um, just wondering if you would consider swapping that around so you do the cooperative things at home?
Toddler: What do you think?
Toddler: Good. Sorted. OK park time – lets’ do this!
Me: But it’s raining?
Toddler: I SAID IT’S PARK TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: People look at me weirdly when we are the only ones stupid enough to go to the park in the rain…
Toddler: Mac. On. Now.
**************P.S. My new book The Catastrophic Friendship Fails of Lottie Brooks is out on the 3rd March 2022! It's aimed at 9-12 year olds and you can buy it here :)
noooooo, I am so sorry for you loss. I pray every night that ours may continue. (but if you lived closer you would see us at the park in the rain too)
Oh, how familiar. Son number 1 was the same. I still have high hopes for son number 2. It’s so easy when they’re babies to imagine how different it will be. This one will nap until he is at least 3 and is going to be quiet, bookish and beautifully behaved. No more standing around in the park cold and miserable and waiting for it to be over. This one will snuggle up with me on the sofa and read a book instead of bouncing off the walls and repeatedly breaking things until I give in and take him to the park. This is what is going to happen.
Ooh your toddler sounds very mean and nasty! I don’t get the whole ‘do everything the right way at nursery but never at home’ thing, what is that all about? Do we not do enough for them to warrant a bit of a break every now and then. Great post
Nice to know I’m not the only one who microwaves my tea! My husband thinks it’s gross.
Count your self lucky lady. Both my girls flatly refused to sleep in the day time from just after their first birthday. The fucking injustice of it all. I haven’t read a magazine in 10 years!
How selfish! Doesn’t he know how awful coffee tastes when it’s been microwaved three times? The pic has made me laugh though love – mine are the same. Rain? So what! Time to go outside – now! Good luck with reading stylist ever again in daylight hours. Sob.
HahaHA, LOVE this. You are living in my world! My sons both gave up their naps early, they decided to let us know nap times where over when they started taking their shitty nappies off and spreading the crap around. So pleased those days have passed, now they just drive me mad all day and go to bed at 7pm x
Harry had stopped napping by the time we moved to Bristol so he was 20 months. :( They can be so selfish can’t they?!
I feel your pain. My eldest, who’s just about to turn three, dropped his nap just whilst I was pregnant. So even less chance to ‘sleep when baby sleeps’! I’m so glad I found your blog, your my heroine x
My almost 3 year old tried to stop napping the other week. I cried. Then I said NO. I plan to keep nap-time alive and kicking in our house until they’re about 15. Maybe even 18.
One of the first ever blog posts I commented on and read and loved was about your son dropping his naps. I loved it. And then loved you. I am so sad for you. And I am so sad as I think this could be me soon. AND I HATE THE PARK! Urgh xxxxx
*massive fuc***g belly laugh*
M also slightly smug as Tia will still nap for an hour a day but I know it won’t last forever. And when it stops I’ll start drinking gin. Cheers.
I am so afraid of this happening to me. The twins nap-time is the only time I get to not talk and browse Facebook. Help me! Great post and I feel for you. Jess xxx
He is one clever little dude! Mine is still napping; I say this not to annoy you but to mark the moment for soon it shall be gone. There’s no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing. Come now, Katie! I jest – you poor, poor cow. Xxx
It’s all your fault!!! I knew it!!! Your littlest has been sending subliminal messages to mine … we are currently on the fourth day of no napping in a row! When will I ever read a magazine again??!! You owe me big time.
Kitty dropped her at home naps at about two – and I’ve a horrid suspicion that Elma’s headed in the same direction – I feel your pain :) oh and as you know we’re often at the park in the rain too – I just tell myself I’m being quintessentially English!!
Oh I mourned the nap for a loooong time when Buster dropped it. We had a blissful period when BOTH napped at same time. That was the best time of my life. Ace post x
Heehee, this has made me laugh, and I’m almost (but not quite
Only half a message posting!
I’m almost sorry to admit my 3 year old had an hour and a half nap today. Bliss! But the park looks fun though
We are still in the napping phase. Not to brag, but I drop Alice at nursery and then put Rosei down for her nap. This is when I have A WHOLE HOUR to erm…clean the house and read books about post-revisionist war theory… and that…. ;) xxx
LP dropped her naps when T was born when she was 19.5 months old! I have wanted to tear my hair out ever since. T is now 19 months and I am hoping he keeps napping for a while yet! x
Oh my God!! It’s not just me. Both my two mean girls stopped napping at 21 months. Argh! My baby us now 24 months and has no intention of napping in the day – ever!! The days get very long, with one episode of that pig after another and then another.
Fab post, that had be giggling at my phone like a crazy person. xxx
Totally hilarious you legend. It’s clear who wears the trousers in your house!
OMG I can’t breathe for laughing! Eeek – toddler is coming to laptop *slams shut lid before he reads this and gets ideas) x
Absolutely brillaint! laughed out loud! BTW I keep seeing your posts shared on facebook they seem to be going far and wide!
Now as you know you and I have slightly different experiences when it comes to naps, and you hate me for it as you point out. ;) But this made me laugh out loud so much- absolute classic! You are such a clever and funny lady Ms HFG. xxxx
Love this. Although as a (preggo) mum of a 17 month old, it did make for slightly terrifying reading. Sort of a snort-sob situation.
Best wishes for, if not sleep, then at least the successful consumption of fresh caffeinated beverages! (Kind of tragic what we start to consider a “win” post kids, isn’t it?!)
It really really is! And don’t worry i have had some success in breaking him down since i posted this – i am clawing onto naps for as long as possible ;)
Nap time – best time of the day (if it happens)! I feel your pain, my younger son has never been one for napping. When I was a childminder, I looked after children that would sleep for 3 hours at a pop – 3 hours!!! My children have never done that, ever!
This made me smile! My little one is only six months so my days are revolved around naps at the moment. I can’t imagine there not being a nap time – I swear by them to catch up on messages, emails, TV, home admin or to simply sit down and have a coffee. I’m sorry you’re not going to get this time anymore!! Looks like you’ll just have to bring bedtime forward! X
No no no, this is just too terrifying to contemplate *sits rocking in a corner and eyes the 22-month-old suspiciously*. I’m SO sorry for you love, this is truly horrid news. Though if it’s any consolation (I know it isn’t but I’m just saying), my toddler is only ever good at nursery too. It’s a Toddler Rule, apparently.
I love that photo of him in the playground. The bleakness, the looming, overcast sky. A bit like The Shining X
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This is so, so good! Just today I was telling a friend of mine Joe my toddler decided to stop napping at 18 months. That’s it. He quit, just like that. Just when I thought things will be getting easier. They didn’t.
The plus side of this is that they now fall asleep within seconds, before 7pm, and stay that way for a good proportion of the evening (leaving us to antisocially caress our laptops for some hours). I battled with my elder son for some months (well into his third year), before coming to terms with his loss of nap, and embracing the evenings where I didn’t watch him prancing around his bedroom all evening because he wasn’t adequately tired. I was so anal about sleep because of the ‘sleep begets sleep’ business, but realised that this probably no longer applied to a 30-month old (yes, I still work in months – I may never go back to years). Hope you’re coping :-)
I’ve almost wet myself reading this, but luckily my toddler still naps so I could go to toilet on my own, read your blog and comment whilst he naps.
I’ll should not be so cocky as Im sure this dreadful day where I can blissfully sit here..mindlessly staring at the celing and dossing off, or contemplating, do i do the dishes, laundry and cooking now while he sleeps, or once he wakes? It will soon be distant memories, I won’t be able to be so casual. I’ll have to do the dishes, the laundry and the cooking with toddler interuptions, and tantrums, all the while wishing I could have that nap and trying my best to warp time to make it 730…but it’s only 330…what the H#*l. How am I going to cope with this?
Noooooo…..please say it won’t happen? Please!