Blogging and stats go hand in hand. I tend to try and not pay too much attention to them because in reality they don’t mean much and although it’s nice to see the number of readers increase, it’s really not the be all and end all (well that Is my public stance on it anyway).
One of the things I will never grow tired of however is looking at the search terms that generated visits to Hurrah For Gin; or for the less technically minded, what people typed into Google before clicking through to my blog. Funnily, a lot of the queries seem to be in the form of questions or problems. I guess people were hoping to find authoritative parenting advice and I guess they were sadly disappointed.
Anyway in order to try and right those wrongs and be a bit more helpful than the utterly unhelpful pages that they obviously ended up on, I will attempt to answer some of my favourites as best I can. So here we go with my list of the utterly ridiculous and random search terms that I have witnessed in my first year as a blogger: –
- ‘Is it nearly wine day?’ – Yes it’s today!
- ‘Is it good to swear?’ – It certainly is.
- ‘Is swearing at children ever appropriate?’ – When they throw your phone down the stairs or headbutt you in the crotch, yes. Little sh*ts.
- ‘The gin toddler diet’ – Don’t waste good gin on toddlers.
- ‘Gin for sleep’ – Good call.
- ‘Is drinking and breastfeeding ok?’ – I can’t publicly condone it but what I will say, is that it is all about the timing ;)
- ‘How much gin goes into breast milk?’ – I don’t know the scientific answer so lets just say hardly any.
- ‘Jedi workout breastfeeding’ – WTAF?!
- ‘I have the feeling I am being watched?’ – You are.
- ‘Pony roller-skates’ – Sorry I can’t help you here.
- ‘I still love you in 2014’ – Thanks but as in 2013, I’m just not interested.
- ‘I’m a teenage girl and my mum wants me to wear Clarks shoes to school?’ – Disown the b*tch.
- ‘Topsy and Tim, better with gin’ – Obviously (Side note – this term alone has generated 8 visits this month! It feels good to know that there are at least 9 of us in a little Topsy and Tim 5.20pm gin club)
- ‘I will never leave you’ – Thank you very much.
- ‘Red wine birth stories’ – Not quite sure exactly what this one means but it could be a nice idea for a feature?!
- ‘Can you eat the Babybel cheese wax?’ – Best bit!
- ‘Kirstie Allsopp hot or not?’ – HOT
- ‘Life is a pile of crap’ – :(
- ‘Two sad cats’ – :((
- ‘Is it bad parenting to not enjoy playing with your kids?’ – No it’s just called honest parenting.
*****DRUM ROLL FOR MY BEST SEARCH TERM EVER*****
- ‘My son keeps pretending to be Topsy from Topsy and Tim’ – You poor, poor cow! Thank you though, because when I am having the day from hell all I need to do is remind myself that it could always be worse. At least I am not you.
**************P.S. My new book The Catastrophic Friendship Fails of Lottie Brooks is out on the 3rd March 2022! It's aimed at 9-12 year olds and you can buy it here :)
This actually had me laughing out loud – hilarious! Cannot get over some of the ridiculous things people search for. Just glad I’m not the only one who doesn’t enjoy playing with their kids! X
Do you know I hardly check my stats! Maybe because I don’t really expect much – haha. But now you’ve just made me curious about the search terms in my blog too. I’m looking now! x
What an immense collection of searches! I’ve had some random ones but nothing that crazy! x
Laugh Out Loud … That is all x
Katie, once again you have me in stitches. I too feel sorry for that poor woman! You know how I feel about the always bloody cheery Topsy and Tim. Little sods. (Funnily enough, though, they’re one of the most searched for terms on my blog – so thanks to them for the traffic!) Superb post xx
How funny! I am new to the whole blogging thing – so no new weird searchy things have found me yet. Must work on that…………
Ha ha your search terms are amazing. Mine are mainly about rubber glove fetishes or wife’s bums :) x
hahaha! Some of those are brilliant. I’ve yet to experience the unusual search terms. Maybe I should do a Topsy and Tim post of my very own…
This is so funny, and so true. I do want to know about the Jedi breastfeeding workout now, and sign me up for red wine birth stories x
That is hysterical Katie! You have missed your vocation as an agony aunt. That last one – oh my days! If my son ever pretends to be Topsy from Topsy and Tim I think I will have to resort to the hubster’s favourite parenting threat: “Orphanage!” :-) X
Another one laughing out loud here. My favourite being ‘is swearing at children ever appropriate?’ and your response – perfect!
zoo funny! i can’t believe some of them searches bring people to your blog!
So it IS wine day ‘pop’, phew.
Brilliant blog. Topsy and Tim are the bane of my life. Gin should be added. 8 year old kids pretending to be 4 year olds, grrrrrr. My 3 year old actually has imaginary children called Topsy and Tim so they are with us 24/7! Feel my pain.
Ps autocorrect originally changed it to Tipsy and Tim, so much better.
Ps2 love your blog
This has made me giggle, especially the last one! My husband just asked what I’m laughing at and I just got a pitying look when I tried to explain!
O made me watch Topsy and Tim last week, never again!!! xxx
hahahahahahaha I love this and I love you Ms Katie- so funny. One of my top weird search terms is ‘hairy Mummy.’ Which to be honest is pretty insulting. I hope that they found what they were looking for. ;)
Ha ha ha ha! Love it bab! I keep getting sexual ones as I end my comments with xxx so hopefully now I have put the word sexual and xxx you too will get them! xxx fanny xxx
I have a post exactly like this in drafts!!! You TOTALLY stole my idea ;) hahaha! I’ll have to hold it off for 6 months now so people don’t think I copied you ;)
Hilarious! I love that most of them involve alcohol but WHERE IS POSTMAN PAT?! x
Love this!!! I can never see my search terms bloody encrypted searches or something….might be for the best though haha!
Love your work! You are so bloody funny!!!!
This is bloody hilarious. I train snorted! Amazing!!! Xx
Love this! I too have had random searches, but never occurred to me to respond. I have had several searches (in August) looking for white tights for Easter.
No, me neither.
You are such a naturally funny and genuine blogger – I don’t get too involved with blogging, but I think you are brilliant :) love this post xx
It’s the red wine birth stories one that I really want to know what they were looking for, it sounds like a great alternative form of pain relief to me!!
Jeez… That poor topsy and Tim lady… And I thought people finding my blog by searching for vaginas was bad… Lol! ;) xx
THIS IS GENIUS!! Two of my fave searches to my blog I think are “oops mud on tits” and “does mascara have fly poop in it”…where do they get these people??!!
Haha, this is BRILLIANT! :D x
Bahahahahahaha, this is brilliant! The weirdest search engine term I’ve had so far is ‘toddler eating blue tits’ – I have no idea how they me and my blog with that!
I love these, so funny. Makes me feel better when I search for random stuff online. I promise none of those were me…
Someone came to my blog by searching ‘adult chat Cardiff’!!! I bet they were gutted when they found my mummy blog! X
Wow, you get some real classics. Mine are extremely dull in comparison. Love it.
Ha ha ha ha!! So funny! I have no idea where to find this for me – want to go and look now! Really funny and lots of people searching for gin related topics!!!!!!! :) x x
You have such cooler search terms than I do. Apart from my one time ‘granny hottub pics’, I get really boring searches related to my post. Boohoo.
Always love to have a look to see what people have been searching for. My biggest two are –
Is Will.I.Am gay
Do Greek Gods poo
This is absolutely beyond brilliant Katie. You always seem to out do yourself everytime. I have never looked at what search terms I have got visitors by but bet your dollar I am going to go do it now. I hope it wasn’t anything as insulting as MummyDaddyMe hairy Mummy? hahaha Or Gin toddler diet that’s just crazy maybe gin parent diet for sure! lol Thanks for making me laugh and making me go look what I have come up with. :)
Hehe you get some excellent search terms. I kept getting stuff about Furbys and car seats. Not usually together!
This is a cracking list! Wow, though I have a confession; Jedi Workout Breatfeeding. That was me. And Pony Roller Skates. NOT. So glad I found you, through none of the above. Laughing into the night re my son pretending to be Topsy. x
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Hehe, this is hilarious!
Jedi workout breastfeeding had me snorting tea everywhere! So thanks for sharing that!!
Snorted laughing whilst reading. Woke the baby. Worth it!
Oh I bloody love this! Yours are so much more fun than mine, having said that I haven’t looked at mine for ages *wanders over for a nose now*
I think my favourite of yours is Jedi workout breastfeeding. Genius!
Oh hilarious, I wrote a similar post few years back on what brought folks to my blog if you fancy a read: Is George Clooney Greek and Other Important Questions: http://honestmum.com/is-george-clooney-greek-and-other-important-questions/