I’m sorry, It pains me to say this but I just don’t think we’re compatible any more.
You with your pretty ways, me with my lazy arse. If we don’t part ways now I’m afraid we’ll just end up hating each other. You see there are things you don’t know about me, bad things. Things that would leave you feeling disappointed and let down.
Ok here goes.
1, Most lunchtimes I feed my kids *whispers* sandwiches. I’m ashamed to say they are served square and have never been cut into dinosaurs or bunny shapes. I don’t tie neckerchiefs onto their bananas and I don’t hand carve faces into their babybel. Does that make you want to weep for them Pinterest?
2, I make my kids sleep on beds! Just you know, normal beds – slats, cheap mattresses and a headboard. Not castles, boats, tree houses, nor VW camper vans. It gets worse Pinterest – to get out of bed they just flop their feet down over the side! There’s no fireman’s pole or rope ladder, there’s not even a f*cking slide!
3, Rainy days in our house means films, being lazy and trying to steer the conversation away from PVA glue. I know you think I should be making ukuleles out of shoe boxes Pinterest, but I’m sorry I just can’t be arsed. And what’s the whole deal with ‘glitter slime’?! Surely that shouldn’t even be a thing! Geez I’m tempted to start a petition to get it outlawed in respect of carpets, hoovers and parental sanity.
4, Putting together an outfit in my house involves picking food off the least dirty t-shirt and sniff testing jeans for wee smells. Pray tell me, how do Pinterest kids always look so good? Why are they always smiling? Why are they more stylish than I have ever been? Why are they not covered in yoghurt and snot? How do you get them to strike a pose that’s not based on Buzz Lightyear? I hate them Pinterest – hate them!
5, And the final nail in the coffin Pinterest, the moment I knew we needed to part. It’s the quotes Pinterest, the bloody inspirational quotes! They make me want to die inside…
So pack your bags Pinterest and take your retro milk bottles with the stripy straws, your neon rice and your rainbow spaghetti, the ninja outfit made out of a watermelon (yes really!) and your top 10 funtastic but healthy snacks for kids with you. GAAARRRGH.
It’s not you, it’s me. No sorry I mean it’s you, not me. You’re truly terrifying.
Go away. Thank you.
**************P.S. My new book The Catastrophic Friendship Fails of Lottie Brooks is out on the 3rd March 2022! It's aimed at 9-12 year olds and you can buy it here :)
Thank god it isn’t just me! I love Pinterest, it is a lovely place to store pretty ideas but will I ever do anything that I pinned, not a chance.
HAHAHAHAHA! So true. At one time I just adored Pinterest and thought it was so inspiring. Then I realised it just made me feel like a bit of a failure…. because nothing I’ve ever attempted in my life has been anywhere near Pinterests high standards. And I don’t think I’d want to be one of those Pinteresty people, I’m far to busy being lazy and watching TV!
Halierious thank god there’s another mum out there who serves sandwhiches everyday I thought I was the only one ;)
This is brilliant! I especially love the ‘sod off’ picture. So funny! I had never thought of it like this. So true! Xxx
Yes yes it does!! All the time. Sometimes I hate it for that and other times it gives me such great ideas for things and easier how tis then other sites. Great resource but a pain in the butt when comparing my mother skills to others. Awesome post Katie!!!
Thanks for such a down to earth blog post. Too many mums (and folk in general let’s face it) feel immense pressure to be perfect. We’re constantly bombarded with unrealistic images which can give us cause to feel disappointed in ourselves. Don’t feel disappointed mums. We’re doing an amazing job :)
Heheh! I love Pinterest because it makes me believe i’ll be one of those “brilliant” *coughs* mums one day! I have had a few ” Saw it on Pinterest/Nailed it” moments tho…. http://www.pinterest.com/pin/514817801127485258/
hahah! This is brilliant. I have to admit, I bloody love Pinterest but I don’t often pin crafty things (I’m useless at them) and while I do have a board called ‘Wise words’ where I pin (er) wise words, some of the inspirational quotes I see on Pinterest are a bit much.
You funny woman … My question is though, are you sure they’re real? I mean the people behind those Pinterest posts? I bet they’re not! ;) Harhar.
I have recently renewed my love of Pinterest. I love bunting. I love shabby chic kitchens. But. I believe that those pictures of the dead nice playrooms with the lovely wooden toys and beautiful clean walls are all? Horseshit. Bet their real houses? Are a right old mess bab! For sure xxx
LOVE! I do adore pinterest but have long ago (after a birthday cake meltdown) binned pinning any craft or even home ideas. I could never make my scuffed walls appear to be shabby chic, just slovenly!
Brilliant… but have you ever heard the saying you can only hate something you love? I bet you love it really!
FAB post! Thankfully I’ve managed to by-pass Pinterest, but I do find the “my life’s perfect” element of social media exhausting! Especially when you know it’s all just smoke and mirrors! *runs off to try and make a satsuma snail
This basically sums up everything I have ever thought about Pinterest, and why I haven’t been on there in months!
Hagahaaaaaa whaaaat???? Not even a slide??? Hehe oh this made me chuckle a lot. I am the most rubbish crafter known to man. We make scary spiders and I let z pick off dried pva glue as part of crafting. That makes me ace right?
Exactly what I was thinking although I do mix it up with the lunches, sometimes, sometimes, I cut them into triangles!
Ha ha ha! I’m sooo with you on all of this Katie, particularly 3 (see my Bad Mums post!) and 4! Thought it was just me who did ‘the wee test’! :-) Glad to unite in rubbish motherhood X #badmumsclub
And THIS is why I approached you to be a host on the Bad Mums Club. We are kindred spirits for sure! Love Pinterest but gave up trying to replicate the stuff on there long ago! ;-) xx
What the f*&k is glitter slime? It sounds like one of the worst ideas I have ever, ever heard. And, thanks for making me laugh, again, lovely x
Brilliant, brilliant! You deserve to be Chair of the Bad Mums Club. And I never had even seen pinterest before I quietly but resolutely banned glitter of any kind from our house (even bringing the stuff they made at nursery and school I virtually banned) PS Love that snail satsuma. Might pin it….;-)
Well… this is exactly why I never use it for anything other than interiors stuff… so it’s just my home I feel inadequate about. *cries a bit* lol xx
Love this! I never look on it because, frankly, I can’t be arsed. My life is way too short for faffing with stuff. Sometimes I’m grateful that my kids are too old to have been social media babies, so I never had to feel the pressure of bunny-shaped sandwiches surrounded by carrot and cucumber trees.
Oh, never feel bad about Pinterest – as someone whose job it was to make ‘perfect’ bloggers look that way, it’s about 95% smoke and mirrors. http://www.sheawong.com/pinterest-stress-and-the-lie-of-modern-social-media/
Ah I do love you Ms Katie. You are so funny. And I agree, while I love pinterest it does make me feel a bit inferior. But then I am a little selfish and just look at it for interior stuff, not really kid stuff. I know I am crap when it comes to activities with my kids haha. ;) x
Oh my god this has made my day so funny and so bloody true!! So not an inspirational quote fan….Blugh! I am equally getting fed up with instagram and it’s incessant pictures of food that has been delightfully arranged……just eat it, seriously!!!
This is so refreshing – and hilarious! I don’t ‘do’ Pinterest as I know even without joining that it would only serve to make me feel crap / inferior / uncreative… All of the things I probably am, but I don’t need reminding! Although I can’t believe your kids don’t have a slide or fireman’s pole off their bed. That is quite a poor effort ;)
For me it’s the beautiful interiors – I’ve never managed a beautiful home, how do people have time (inclination) to perfectly colour coordinate and shop each little nick-nack? Our house still looks like a student house, despite us not being far off 40….I keep meaning to get a real home when I grow up though. Until then my kids will be wearing unmatching clothes, covered in snot, in their home with its unmatching decor. I wonder who would follow that Pinterest board…..?? xx
I can’t deal with Pinterest because it is pictures of stuff, pasted onto boards full of stuff that you might like to get in the future. Like aspirational ‘stuff.’ I understand it for a wedding or something but I haven’t got time to do a wee most days nevermind pin stuff onto stuff about stuff that one day I might want…
Also, some of the boards are like your evil fricking mother-in-law or friend who constantly says “This is how it SHOULD BE DONE” and makes you feel like a bit of a dick because you can’t fold a shirt like that or whatever. DOWN WITH SOME OF THESE SOCIAL MEDIA THINGs.
Or something :) Great post Gin xxx
This. Exactly this. I pin all the things you refer to above however, simply to fool any followers that this is indeed the lifestyle to which I aspire, and given any spare moment or two, am likely to enact…
I love you!! 10 rainy day activities? That’s what TV was made for! 100 Messy Play ideas? Just NO. I love Pinterest for pretty housey pics and ways to organise my tupperware cupboard. Anything else makes me feel a bit crap compared to the rest of the Pinterest mothers! x
I just never got on with Pinterest really. We had a brief flirtation but when it offered me a choice between mimosa or fruit smoothies served in actual fruit on our first date I knew it just wasn’t meant to be. Honestly. Who has time for putting scarves round bananas?!?
Simply the best post I have read in a long time – I was weeping with laughter and so was my husband (he never normally cares what posts I’m reading). Can totally relate and love it. :-)
Brilliant post, Katie! I only look on Pinterest for grey paint ideas. You know, to go with my distressed furniture (am I making you squirm yet lol?). I will surely not look at it for any other reason now. What does that quote even mean – that you should cry at your kids to make them blossom? Doesn’t get them in the car though, does it? Ah, nice to be back just to read your blog. Mwah.x
Finally! Someone who feels like I do :D My daughter has sandwiches and watches films and HATES FRUIT! Gosh that feels so much better… I tried the ‘healthy snack’ option and the result was gagging, retching and a plain refusal to eat so, back to Pom Bears I go. Do I sometimes feel like a terrible mother? Absolutely! Kind of hard not to between Pinterest and every other child-brand site on Facebook (why on earth did I ‘like’ them anyway?). But honestly my children are healthy and happy and that’s all that should matter. There I said it. *big breath*
Wow I thought I was the only one!! hahaha so brilliant!
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I LOVE Pinterest, I find it so inspiring but number 5 made me laugh so hard I nearly spat my tea out because I bloody hate inspirational quotes, they actually make me feel uncomfortable and I have to immediately unfollow any boards of quotes. There is very rarely one that I do like but most of them make me want to hurl! x
I love pinterest and I even pin stuff on there. None of it looks pinterest worthy in the slightest, but still I feel I have made a good effort at being the perfect mum
Pinterest for me is a bit like the gym, I like the look of it and I am a member but I always ‘forget’ to go…
I can’t believe you give your children sandwiches. I’ve dispensed with bread and just give them the inside bits. And I put any Cheerios I find lying around back in the bowl. It gives me more time to spend on Pinterest hoarding recipes I won’t make (like most of my recipe books) or pinning pictures of perfect playrooms (that NEVER contain Lego and wooden toys at the same time).
Ah tee hee hee! I love it Katie, as always. And totally agree – when did beds that look like everything but a bed, become fashionable? Do we NEED any more distractions at bedtime?? Certainly bloody not in my house! Brilliant post lovely xx
The best thing I have read in AGES Katie!!! I bloody loves you :) (although, I am guilty of an Inspo quote on IG now & then…..can we still be fweends?!) x
Amen to that. Well said. Although I would kind of like a slide to get out of my bed. Xx
Oh Katie, this is hysterical..and so bloody true! I haven’t been on Pinterest for months (ahem, I haven’t been on any social media properly for months, but Pinterest started it all off). I’m knackered just thinking about it.
This post takes all the words out of my mouth. I guffawed. I feel the same about Instagram though too. There is too much smugness in the world man, and no room for it (bit like lego really).
Chuffed to have found your blog, I da love a drop of gin too!
This is quite possibly the best blog post I’ve ever read.
I love Pinterest (and stripy straws!), but yes. All of the above. Hilarious.
Utterly brilliant blog post!! I couldn’t agree more on all accounts!!! :)
This is so funny, thanks for the post! It seems some people have a bit too much time on their hands ;)
this is so true I’m pinning in to my Pinterest ideas board! I love Pinterest, but will only ever do 4 things I have pinned. I will never cut sandwiches any fancier than square or triangle.
Absolutely hilarious and much appreciated!!! And it’s not just parents who are made to feel crap by pinterest- it works for primary teachers too!
Hahahahaha…I bloody love you woman! Your Topsy and Tim thing was genius.
Ninja outfit made out of a watermelon killed me :-D
I was only wondering to myself the other day as we were watching Despicable Me for the gazillionth time if there are any other mums who cannot be bothered to do crafty stuff on rainy days, or any other days really. So, SO relieved it’s not just me…