I have had the pleasure of attending two weddings without my kids over the last couple of weeks. One where we choose not to take them, leaving them in the care of their grandparents and one where the wedding was a no children affair.
Sipping a lovely glass of white wine in the grounds of a beautiful country house last weekend, begged me to post the following question on Instagram. Child free weddings – bit rude or a bloody genius?
I’m sure many couples planning child free affairs might be worried about offending their people but by the looks of it a lot of mums could not be keener…
At our own wedding we included children for a few reasons, firstly we already had a son and it would have been a bit rude to leave him out and secondly I really wanted my nieces, nephew and friends children to be part of the day. As a guest however, I’m just not really a fan of bringing my own. There are many reasons behind this but lets just sum them all up by citing ‘a conflict of interests’.
So anyway child free nuptials – what’s not to like? Adult conversation, good food, dancing, the freedom to use both of your hands at will, only being responsible for your own bladder, a chance to spend time as a couple again.
Don’t we look happy :)
And of course there is also the chance to let your hair down and have a few drinks.
A pre wedding pint in the pub, Pimms on arrival, red wine, white wine, fizz for the toast, whatever you mange to minesweep when everyone clears the tables, gin and tonic time – Hurrah!
You might be feeling a little tired now.
Make a decision. GO HARD OR GO HOME! GO HARD OR GO HOME!
Jägerbombs are obviously always a good idea at this point.
Just a little pre-taxi nap
The only mistake you might be in danger of making when omitting children from your guest list is that parents on a rare night out, plied with free booze can not be expected to behave any better than their kids would have.
**************P.S. My new book The Catastrophic Friendship Fails of Lottie Brooks is out on the 3rd March 2022! It's aimed at 9-12 year olds and you can buy it here :)
Love that last sentence! I don’t like taking the boys to friends weddings as they get bored for the ceremony then at the table & you spend all day trying to entertain them.
Close family weddings are different as there are so many cousins they provide the childcare for each other ha ha
Yes that’s true! As long as you have the support it’s so much easier. I think its an age thing too, will be much more fun all around when they don’t just wander off trying to kill themselves or take a handful of the cake ;)
Unless they are pinching cake for me ;-) x
well quite! x
I love this post!
I am Bridesmaid at a friends wedding in a few weeks, my 5yo is also a flower girl but is being picked up by grandparents as soon as the ceremony and pics etc are out of the way. The brides POV was that she didn’t want to waste £75 a head on 3 course meals for children that weren’t going to eat them, and also wants me to enjoy my day as her bridesmaid without having to run round after an excitable child all day and night!
And I couldn’t agree more!!! :)
Ahh see that’s the perfect scenario! They do the cute bit and bugger off ;)
If you have a lot of kids in your life its a huge amount of money to spend considering they won’t even enjoy it x
Ha ha love your pre-taxi nap! Me and my husband are off out tomorrow all day without the kids. Proper rarity!! I say YAY to no-kids weddings :) x
AMAZING! What a treat. Hope you have a fabulous time lovely xx
I’ve only been to one wedding since Gwenn was born and it was weird because the invitation didn’t say one way or another whether children were “allowed” or not.
At least when people say “Due to blah blah blah we are sorry that children are not able to attend etc etc”, you know where you stand.
We presumed she wasn’t invited which was a pain because I was still BFing so had to express in a hotel room during the drinks reception which was held in a castle keep (pretty cool) and about five minutes after we got there, the brother of the groom said “Oh, where’s the baby?” which made me think that maybe we should’ve taken her. I don’t drink anyway so it makes no difference to me.
Anyway, child-free weddings are something I am on board with but please, people, make it clear from the outset!!
Totally agree they should make it clear! Plus i think its a bit off banning babes in arms, you can’t really not take a young breastfeeding baby. Hope you managed to have a good time despite the stress! x
I’ve only been to 2 weddings since having N. One was only family children and local so really easy to sort childcare. The other had lots of children, but was an hour drive away. I’d have taken him for the day, but he was too young for an evening reception, and I didn’t want to worry about trying to get him asleep somewhere, or leaving in between church/reception to take him home. So we went without him.
I did miss one of my bridesmaid’s weddings last year – she had no children (not at her request but at a family member’s, which I think is a bit odd), but we had no childcare and my mum was ill at the time, so we kind of had an excuse, although I was gutted not to go.
We didn’t have children at our wedding. Well, 3 nephews only – because no childcare, and also we knew how they’d behave, that we could leave them asleep in the farmhouse etc. People got really arsy when children weren’t invited, and one couple turned up to the evening reception having not rsvp’d, with their 7 year old in tow. a) blooming rude for not rsvping and b) the child was bored stiff as she was the only one there as the nephews had gone to bed by that stage.
I think it’s the bride and groom’s choice, but also until the children are older, I think it’s a lot of hassle to take children with you. The only good thing would be is if it’s going to be a really tedious wedding you might need some distraction
Totally agree its up to the B&G and you should juts be happy with whatever they want really, a shame if you can’t get childcare of course but i actually left the husband with the kids for the last one :)
Also so rude for someone to turn up with their child and not RSVP, feel really sorry for the kid too! x
Hilarious. I love a child free wedding personally although can be cute to see little ones running around or on the dance floor. Other people’s kids though, not my own! ;) FAB post xx
I love that too, in fact i spent most of the evening at my own wedding swinging my nieces round the dance floor. They are just a bit too wayward to stay anywhere right now though..
Hell yeah! I bloody love a wedding. It’s all romantic and you might get free booze. And they always play the worlds best music! No kids is the way forward bab. Fo sure xxx
You guys look absolutely lovely! I do understand why some would prefer child-free weddings, but for me I kinda like seeing kids in weddings. They (the kids) give them a sweet touch to it. Then again, we like to take little T with us wherever we go ;)
I don’t blame you she is proper cute! ;) Mine just get crazy and wayward! x
We’ve been invited to a childfree wedding and if I’m honest I am not happy!
The wedding in question is 300 miles away so we will need to stay over for two nights and the wedding is that of the kids godfather, which is another reason I think they should be invited and involved on someway – especially the teen who is very close to his godfather!
We had kids at our wedding and they made the day fun – a wedding is after all a family celebration and one of my favourite photos is my then 4 year old sat on my train with a veil over his head picking off the confetti!
Ahh that does seem a shame Kara. I do think they add a lot to a wedding but i just prefer to leave mine at home as they just don’t mix well with weddings. Once they are a bit older though i’m sure they will x
The only weddings I’ve been to since we had children included the girls, and I actually really enjoyed having them there; but they had been set up really well to accommodate the children – the last one we went to had reserved the ground floor hotel rooms at the venue for the families they’d invited so we put the kids to bed and then sat out on our mini patios with the dancing and the bar just the other end of the lawn and lots of helpful people around to run to the hog roast for me – it was perfect. I think we were invited to one no-children wedding but it was 10 days after Elma was born, and with the best will in the world I wasn’t going to make it!
Ahh well that sounds perfect! And i guess it does depend on your kids personalities as although mine can be a lot of fun they can’t do sitting, keeping still or being quiet so they just don’t mix with wedding at all well ;)
I’m just writing the post on the wedding we went to this weekend. My feet have just about recovered. I do love crazy kids running amock all over the dance floor but equally love child free ones too as I can sit down and eat my food all in one go ;) I can see why people opt for it.
Me too! I never considered it for my own and i’m glad about that but as a guest i’m totally happy to come san kids :)
He he good for you! I’m def all for weddings without children. I’ve been to both types and always prefer to be child-free and children are just bored to tears (read naughty as hell!). The only upside of having kids with you is that there’s no hangover the next day! Hope it wasn’t too monstrous ;)
I have no objection to a child-free wedding or kids at weddings – whatever the happy couple wants!
We did think about making our wedding no-children as the venue counted children as ‘full’ guests and we had a limit of 80. So we had a situation whereby we couldn’t invite some friends as the ‘seats’ were taken up by family members’ children. I can quite understand why people opt for the opposite!
That was our choice but it was influenced really by the fact that MIL wanted their granddaughter to be my flower girl, so we couldn’t really say no kids then have a sodding two-year-old toddling down the aisle in front of everybody. (It annoyed me a bit to be honest. I would have quite liked to have decided upon/invited my OWN flower girl rather than have one thrust upon me)
My understanding has always been that babes in arms don’t count and even ‘no-kids’ weddings allow them. However we were invited to a wedding six weeks after V was born and the bride and groom emailed politely requesting no babies attend. Their line was ‘we want the parents to be able to have a good time and relax and enjoy themselves’ and I do understand their intention. However not being parents themselves they couldn’t really understand what they were asking me to do in leaving my breastfed six-week-old to come to their wedding! So I didn’t go. Which is probably why they said no babies in the first place ;)
Gosh that’s harsh! The no kids ones i’ve been invited to all included babies in arms, no way you could leave a bf baby behind is there! And you are totally right you should just go with what makes you happy and stuff everyone else but it can be hard to do that and keep the family happy too. x
Going against the grain here – but I’m not a fan. I think that picking and choosing which family members you find to be acceptable company is a bit rude and hurtful. It can also mean that you’re basically uninviting people you love if they aren’t able to leave their children for whatever reason, so it’s more important for you to NOT spend your day with their children than to spend it with them. I do think it’s not on to basically force people to leave their children or not come.
I also think that people are a bit precious about wanting their wedding to look a certain way or go a certain way and that’s not my style at all.
Fair enough if people invite families but warn that it’s quite a grown up do and suggest they may have more fun without the little ones – then the parents get to choose.
I see what you mean but imo it’s your day and your decision to do exactly as you please and if the people you know have a lot of kids then sometimes its a case of simply not being able to fit them all in or being able to afford it. Equally its up to the invited guest to say no if they can’t or don’t want to leave their kids but to be annoyed about it would never cross my mind.
I’ve no problem with child free weddings, it’s up to the bride and groom at the end of the day and let’s face it, not everyone likes kids! I did once go to a child free wedding where someone brought their child anyway (I *think* it was an honest mistake). The kick off from the other parents who saw it as some sort of personal snub was not pretty! x
The last wedding I went to was child free and I got soooooo drunk! Think I took advantage of the rare night off! xx
Ha ha … that last picture of you is me at the end of the night too! We have a wedding on Saturday and the tot is invited (cause the bride has a daughter and about 21 kids going!) HELP… will need wine (and gin, and Pimms) There is a part of me that is wanting her to come and have fun and dress up and then a part of me that would love to go child-free. Guess the only plus point is my sister is coming too so extra pair of hands to help out – as the hubby will be at the bar no doubt!
Love your blog Katie – but my pelvic floors can’t really handle the giggling as I read along.
Child-free! Ours was child-free but we were 27 and almost nobody had kids back then so we all partied until 5am (as is common at French weddings), FAB! I prefer child-free as a guest too, but French Hubs finds it quite shocking as he thinks weddings are great for kids. We took 7 year old L to a friend’s wedding in France last year and she was happy partying hard until 1am when her weary mum couldn’t take anymore, so I’m guessing part of it depends on how your child copes with weddings too. Glad you had such a fab time! x