I’m old enough now that if i really want something then i would just buy it myself. When it comes to Christmas day i would be quite happy to receive a grand total of zero presents because i just don’t need anymore stuff*.
If people are to ask me for ideas as to what gifts i would like i will happily tell them not to bother. But it seems that’s not an acceptable answer. Or if i tell them what a really want – 12 hours alone in a dark room – they laugh and tell me to to stop being so melodramatic.
So not only do i have to spend a large proportion of my time buying other people presents that they don’t need i also have to spend a large proportion of my time preparing lists of things that i don’t need so that other people can buy them for me.
I have an idea! If you tell me what you don’t really want and i tell you what i don’t really want then why not just buy ourselves our own pointless presents and be done with it? Or better still soon as we don’t really want anything, lets just not bother at all!
But no because apparently that’s akin to being a scrooge.
So i thank you for the body scrub which i will stack on top of the other 17 in my bathroom cupboard and i thank you for the 3-D mind bender puzzle that i have neither the time, inclination or brain cells to complete. The little book of inspirational quotes will go to the charity shop and the novelty toilet mug will narrowly avoid being shoved up your arse.
*except gin. I can always find a use for gin. Or actually i would quite like a DVD of the One Direction movie – is that ‘ok’ for someone over 30?
**************P.S. My new book The Catastrophic Friendship Fails of Lottie Brooks is out on the 3rd March 2022! It's aimed at 9-12 year olds and you can buy it here :)