I can hardly bear to watch this rubbish but i do, every bloody Saturday, because I’m just a crowd following, wine drinking zombie.
I find myself shouting at the TV like a loon, i find myself developing an intense dislike for people i have never even met, i find myself willing people to fail because it makes for more interesting TV, i find myself enjoying the elimination because – you know what, life’s a bitch and sometimes you just gotta deal with that.
What really bewilders me and makes me extra shouty is the pre-recorded clips.
‘I’ve wanted to be a pop star since i was 6 months old bla bla bla’ – cue image of contestant performing at a family BBQ. Can’t everyone dig out one pathetic photo of them dressed in 80’s pop star ensemble holding a hair brush? Didn’t everyone want to be a pop star at some point?
‘This is the only thing i want to do, this is my last shot, i can’t go back to my job of plucking chicken carcases bla bla bla.’ Crikey, well sorry but people gotta work, gotta live, gotta eat. Not everyone gets to live their dream.
If i could sing, if i was prettier, if i was younger, if i had a more of an interesting personality they hey you know what, i would love to be a pop star too.
Hell, i would love to be in 1 Direction as i reckon they are living the life of Riley right now but i’m not a teenage boy for starters and no amount of whinging on camera to millions of viewers is going to change that.
You’re not good/original enough poppet. Them’s the breaks. soz.
**************P.S. My new book The Catastrophic Friendship Fails of Lottie Brooks is out on the 3rd March 2022! It's aimed at 9-12 year olds and you can buy it here :)